sincerely sorry baby boy!

If I could make time go backward,
I would erase the words you heard from me.
If I could do it all again,
I would do it differently.
Nothing would be the same.
Wont ignore you in anyways.
The first time always hurts,
And i know it hurts more this time cause its not the first.
It never gets easier for me either,
Its only regret that filled me now,
When i sees you being so hurt BY me.
IM SORRY BABY!
I know you're hoping me keep my promise that i made,
Hereby i swear regardless anything i wont make the same painful mistake.
Always wishing me that i could do it all and i'll.
Never knowing how bad it hurts,
till i felt the same way!
Can't help to heal that guilty in me seriously.
Baby knowing its forever that we can’t go back,
back to the point before you're accuse and hurt.
Its indeed lost but leaving it behind,
AND LETS HEAD FOR FUTURE.
forgive me baby?

includes in life.

FAMILY.
good news is we're getting into better terms(: communicate ans spend more time with each other. without fail every weekend morning we'll have our breakfast together, just im lazy to travel far so its only house downstairs! take a stroll, some morning tanning LOLs and shop for food to cook in the noon. im glad, really glad cause for quite sometime i feel im no longer into this family, this house and my mom. im just busy sometime ago but now... i've all time in this world to spend with her and i guess she's happy too cause we're back to those times whereby we can talk to each other and do stuffs that mom and daughter always do!
thats the way mummy, i love you!

LOVE.
my loverboy? yes i've got one and his name kevin chen li ren(: his my baby boy and i do really love him from my bottom of heart. however quarrels knock on our doors often recently. big small exist and just this week one hurting painful bad incident occur which stop my heart at that moment. even right now.. my heart beat slower than usual as if it might stop anytime cause his that push to all my heart beat ever since he was gifted to me. so afraid that anytime he'll put a stop to it and there i go.... beeeppppp DEAD! inferior filled me solely now and i just wonder how should i reduce the fear, and i just winder cause i've got no idea. too many things stack up all these inferior and somehow it make us drift apart. how to solve this? how? i really want to solve this tangle cause baby i love you, its even more than what you think the love i have! you underestimate my love baby, in fact im totally indulge with you.
baby.. No two people stay the same during the course of a life time. Their needs, wishes, and interests vary. It is unreasonable to expect that relationship partners will grow and change in the same ways, at the same time. It is not necessary for the two of you to always think the same way, enjoy the same activities or people, or be in the same place at the same time. Just because you have different tastes or interests doesn't mean something is going wrong. but we're given this chance to prove nothing impossible! and i believe its our love which will make this relationship works out! LOVES*

FRIENDS.
this a torture babe.. cause my friends are all busy with their life and we're just no longer like before. i miss them incredibly babes.... i wanna meet up and some gathering! really hope this CNY will bring us together again and just like before.. we enjoy all presence(: babes you guys are all time in my mind and i do miss you guys! happy pills, yes the description thats for you all! many things to say to you guys and miss all those fun! hope...


FINANCIAL.
its just bad and i dont know what to say but undescrible terrible. unable to buy my cny clothers, unable to do my hair, unable to paint my nails, unable to go for movies, unable to rent car, unable to live like normal, unable to play, unable to go out and worse cant enjoy my favourite food! its just horrible... which im even speechless talking bout it.

KEKE.
bad girl still and naughty as ever. however i just love her(: my daily cure for anything! just love her so much that she's part of my family which i cant lose her. if only she more obident, she'll be perfect then.

no more hope but everything will goes smoothly...

its start with, if only!

its only,
if time can retreat back to the happiest time.
just right before anything happens.
making a scene doesn't seems appealing to anybody,
especially you and i!
after whats done,
it stamp hard into my heart and leaving a mark,
never then it'll be remove!
scar which remind me,
mans are craved over girls.
she is the medicine and satisfication of he.
human nature, indeed!
and you become one of them that night.
hatred, fear, insecure, trust and love decrease gradually.

( guys? yeah they're just full of craps which are endless!
guys? exucses and excuses without fail to cover up their wrong!
FUCK THEM ALL,
and bitches..
watch your movements!
bitch will be enough for you, dont turn slut)

MUST do list.

1. perm.dye.cut.treatment hair.
2. CNY clothes.
3. mani.pedicure.
4. valetine's present.
5. save money.
6. pay bills.
7. iphone.


for now, thats all i wsih for! wish for all these to be done in these 2 weeks before CNY.
pray pray pray! someone would sponsor me(:

wanna breakfree.

you're real when we're beside,
but we seems far apart.
i have you by my side,
though i dont feel we're indeed close.
gap drawn us to the end!
why cant i feel any efforts and love anymore?
even ask myself if i demand for more,
but i'm sure i did not.
fade? probably!
and because i love you more each day,
i pain more.
someone ask me,
am i happy now?
i want to answer yes but neither my mouth nor heart agrees with me.
which make me remain silent.
and then she added,
have your love become a burden?
being so helpless..
i cant answer anymore.
i cant even lie that im happy with what i've now.
isit the happiest i can be?
for now,
i pray for nothing worse to come.
don't expect surprise and love again.
as i know it'll be different from now!
goodbye my faith....

sickening.

cant help but pray daily for it to over!
wanna it over so much that i even dream of it when i'm asleep.
just hate when you surround me,
makes my presence awful.

rainbow please!

filled with boredom recently.
no fun,
no excitement,
no surprise,
no favourite doings,
no hangout,
no plans daily,
no smile,
no meetings with gf,
no movies,
no singing,
no yummy food,
no money
and
no tender love!
HUILI just dont enjoy each of her day now):